The joy of motherhood

Published: 11 April 2010

Support: Maria was supported by PCI throughout her difficult pregnancy

A mother who lives with the regret of having had an abortion and was on the brink of having another had her story told at a fundraising lunch for Pregnancy Crisis Inc (PCI) in Brisbane recently. Maria tells how PCI, made a difference to that decision

DO you feel afraid of the future? Do you feel you can't cope? Do you feel there is no hope? When I first learned that I was pregnant I felt all those feelings and I was overwhelmed with fear and depression to the degree where I felt that the only option was to have an abortion.

But through prayer and through support, the dark clouds have lifted and I was able to have a beautiful baby girl whom I thank God for, every day.

I want to share my story with anyone who is pregnant and is going through the difficult time of decision making of what to do about their pregnancy.

I really hope that my story can help someone to make a right decision, as once a decision is made it is irreversible, and the regret and the sadness doesn't ever leave you or be forgotten in our entire life.

Some years ago I fell pregnant for the first time and I was married but my marriage was awful, I was not happy at all, and my husband was abusive.

I believed the baby would be a burden for me as I felt I would not be able to look after a baby and support the baby financially.

My own family was not supportive of me at the time. I felt I was so alone and helpless. So I allowed my emotions to control me and I had an abortion.

But it was such a disastrous decision because every time I would look at a child, the voice and image of the child I killed would haunt me and I couldn't look at a child without crying.

I never thought my decision would affect me because I thought I would be free and happy afterwards. But I had no freedom from the memory of what I did.

When I first thought about having the abortion, I didn't listen to anyone about how precious this life is as I felt it was nothing but a fertilised egg. I was totally disconnected to any feelings of warmth or love and only thought about my feelings and how awful my future would be if I went through my pregnancy.

The reality was that, after I extinguished a life with my own hands, I left the abortion clinic wanting to feel free and happy, but I left extremely empty and so dark inside and deeply mournful.

Every day I thought I would wake up and feel better, but every day I would wake up and there is no relief from the pain and regret. I constantly blamed myself.

Recently I fell pregnant again and my morning sickness was so severe it had stopped me from working. Because my morning sickness was so severe and I couldn't work, my husband's abuse got worse.

I became so depressed and again felt I was so stupid, helpless, afraid of my future and didn't know what to do with the baby. I doubted my capability to raise the child by myself.

I was only six weeks pregnant at the time. So again I started contemplating abortion but I had a friend who encouraged me that I could carry the pregnancy and reminded me how awful I felt last time. She advised me to get more support and call a helpline.

I came across Pregnancy Crisis Inc and I met Alan and Patti Camp who are a wonderful couple and gave me a lot of support.

I was able to express my worries and concerns to them, and they were very helpful, caring, loving and supportive, and non-judgemental toward me. They encouraged me greatly.

And whatever I needed whether it was just to talk or something practical, they helped provide for me during my pregnancy. They were always there for me, and I felt I was not alone anymore.

I had confidence for the first time to be able to carry through the pregnancy.

So if you feel alone and unsupported, you can reach out for the support that is available, and there is so much out there.

You can be emotionally and economically supported for your pregnancy if you reach for help. Although you might think you have no solution, and think there are many reasons to have an abortion, it isn't the only way and often the harder road is the most rewarding experience. The future doesn't have to be dark when you allow people to help you. You are not alone.

Allow God's love to help you through the people around you. Open yourself to be loved and to know you have value. Your value cannot be measured and the child inside of you is the best part of you.

Being a mother to my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to my life.

The joy and the happiness of being a mother is indescribable. I do really feel very blessed and thankful that God is giving me such a wonderful gift which has totally changed my life in a good way.

My daughter makes me smile when she smiles. She gives me so much love that I was missing in my life. My life is so full of love because she reaches for me in such an unconditional way.

If you want to experience unconditional love, experience the love of a child that opens your heart and fills you in a very deep way.

My daughter is several months old now. She is so beautiful and adorable. Although I am a single mother raising her on my own and separated from my husband, I am not alone because I have such wonderful support around me through friends and through Pregnancy Crisis Inc.

It was such a hard decision to carry through the pregnancy but I'm so thankful and happy that I had made a right and good decision to have her. She helps me to see my life differently with more beauty and meaning. I feel my life is so full of hope because of her. She also makes me stronger.

Because of her, my family and I have a better and closer relationship. Now I am receiving so much support from my family because of my daughter. I am so blessed to have her.

Every time I see her, I see the best part of me reflected in her. Whenever I look at her I feel so sweet and uplifted.

I am so excited about seeing her grow every day and I am discovering life through her eyes. Although you cannot feel it just yet, you will be able to experience it as you hold your baby in your arms.

I give my deep appreciation and many thanks to Pregnancy Crisis Inc, Alan, Patti and my friends for their support. Thank you for loving and caring for me and for helping me to go through the difficult times.

Thank you for giving me the strength to make a good decision to have my baby daughter.

I close by sharing a passage from a book called The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren: "You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature.

"Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, he expected it.

"Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment.
"You are alive because God wanted to create YOU ... God's motive for creating you was his love."

You have a purpose in this life and you will discover this purpose. Don't give up ... you were created to be loved and to love in return. The love of your child is waiting for you.

Pregnancy Crisis Inc provides 24-hours-a-day service, seven days a week, 365 days a year to support pregnant women needing help.

For information or to donate to PCI phone 1300 777 777, write to PO Box 1707, Springwood  4127, or email pcrisis@bigpond.com